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I really hate myself right now. Feel free to join in.

I know how i still feel about her, but i just cannot let go of what has been said. It hangs over everything like a dark cloud. Everything i do, everything i see, everything i feel. I know im starting to close up again, when i shouldnt. But it's true, it is less painful this way. Having that numbness, where you're not happy and you're not that sad, but at least you have control over your emotions. At least you think you do. To have to make a sacrifice, just so that i can be safe from hurt.

I recognise this feeling and I hate it.

Cos i know im causing hurt to someone whom i really love.