Paolo Nutini - Rewind(Acoustic)

Its 3.04am in the morn, and im waiting for 9am to have my fears confirmed.. Its too late to turn back now, but i want this to go through. I want it all to stop. The fighting, the unhappiness, the anger, the pessimism, the regret of not being able to do more, and ultimately the lack of trust. Because of what happened in the past, 2 years on and im still that same kid i hated so much. Closed up now, more than ever. Still stuck at god knows where.. and i cant move on. I dont think i ever will.. But i have only myself to blame.

She tried, she really did try to pull me out of this rut.. but learning to trust her again was just too much for me. Fighting with myself day in and day out, coupled with the fact that i have to take into account other people that matter; her, my family, friends. Doing a fine balancing act, trying to please everyone.. Everyone but myself. Its stuck in my head that the only way i can find happiness is to make other people happy, and im this close to burning out. They more i give, the more they take and expect me to give out more. With NS 5 days a week, i dont even have time for myself.

But life goes on, whether i want it to or not. All i can do is try to find the little things that can still make me smile. Even if they're in the past.. ill hang on to them, for i dont really have much to start off with. Back to me in my own little world, but i guess that's the only perfect place left. Doing my own thing, at my own pace, because I have this habit of corrupting each and every pure memory that i share with other people. I always think the worst of things and the fear just holds me so tight until i wont be able to think of anything else. Drains me of all the energy, hope and love.. I really can't help it. Either no one knows how to break this cycle, or they just dont understand my problems.

I was asking for trouble when i thought she could be the one to save me. To change every bad thing that had happened in my life, to restore the faith in me that you can truly trust someone with your whole heart and not have a single doubt. I failed to notice that she's only human afterall. And as humans, we all make mistakes. I wasnt prepared for that. I was never prepared for the hard part, the sadness, the pain that makes you want to throw up your insides. I just thought that if i gave everything, id get the same in return but i was asking for too much. Looking for more than anyone could ever give me. Now i know, no matter how hard i look, no matter how far i go, ill never find it.

My gut feeling is screaming at me to leave her alone.. And i truly believe that is whats best. A choice i made without any inteference from anyone. Its about time i reason with myself. So be it, if from all that reasoning i decide to pull away. I'm only going to do more harm if i stay. It'll save a whole lot of people a whole lot of hurt. All that's left is simple. And i can take simple.

I truly wish only the best for her. Hope that the transition to her new place will go about smoothly, and that there'll be no hiccups. Pray that school and work won't be too stressful eventhough its the 3rd year. I know she'll do good because she has this drive in her, this tenacity to succeed that i've not seen in anyone else. If there's one person that truly deserves this, its her. I'm sorry that i'm not man enough to be there for you. And i hope that one day you'll forgive me, for hurting you. I'm sorry.

So now i wait... for the clock to strike 9, and her plane to lift off.. Maybe only then will i get some rest, but i doubt so.